Posts Tagged ‘Magnus’

That must be a sublime hotdog

Recently, the highest levels of LDPK leadership joined with our own imbedded reporter “cauldronofhate” to defeat a list of cheap beers that we had heretofore been too embarrassed to purchase. This quest was embarked on after one LDPK member announced his plan to try to “beat” all the cheap beers at his local grocery store by drinking them alone. Another of the members present pointed out, ” why beat it alone, when we can all beat it together?”

That weekend we were on the porch with a case if Milwaukee’s Best Ice.

When we talk about a “Beers o’ Shame List,” you know the brews we’re talking about. The beers from across the tracks that you’ve always been curious about, but always been too embarrassed to actually buy. The LDPK is taking that step for you. These beers are the like the fat girl you don’t want your buddies to know you actually have a thing for. There’s a lot there to love, but you don’t necessarily want to take the relationship public. Well, the LDPK just took a case of Beast Ice out to meet the boys.

First off, yes, it was embarrassing to buy Beast Ice. Second, when it is cooled down in the freezer to just above freezing, the beverage is pretty much indiscernable from any other cheap ( very cheap) beer.

Here are a few scientific notes on The Beast Ice:

– It tastes like sheet metal.

– Don’t drink this unless it is uncomfortably cold outside. There needs to be an element of distraction when dealing with the crafty and powerful beer. You don’t want to be focused on the taste; that would be like deconstructing Wayne’s World 2.

– This had a noticeably more potent affect on Magnus of Longshanks than it did on discocowboi. Why this is, we don’t know, but Magnus did giggle alot (which was weird).

– The cans look pretty cool.

Here’s where you get into trouble with Beast Ice. Unlike most cheap American lagers, The Beast Ice is 6% ABV. It doesn’t seem like much, but if you’re committing to drinking a lot of cheap,watery beer over the course of the evening, it’s going to get you into trouble. It exists to get you messed up fast, and for under 7 dollars. Hey, it’s a market niche, but probably not one you want to live in.

As cauldronofhate put it, ” It made me feel alive, yet made me aware of the proximity of alcoholism.”

Overall, The Beast Ice was drinkable. Not in the way Riesling is “drinkable,” but literally in the ” the best thing this drink has going for it is that it’s a cold liquid” way.  Unless you’re throwing a party for street people you might want to avoid Beast Ice.

If you were to try it out ( seriously, try it for yourself) the LDPK  – ok, mainly discocowboi – highly recommends accompanying the drink with a Black N Mild. If you don’t know what that is…we’re just sorry.

Now that the Beast Ice has been vanquished, the LDPK leadership is moving on to another ” Beer of Shame” to taste. Stay tuned!

-LDPK