Archive for November 2, 2010

LPDK Election Night Coverage: Voter Reaction

Posted: November 2, 2010 by discocowboi in Wisdom Bombs

As we all know, tonight is a night near and dear to many Americans: back-to-back-to-back-to-back episodes of Sanford & Son on TV Land from 6 to 8 p.m.

For some of us, it is Election Night, when we gather around the TV and watch many nicely dressed persons fumble with telestraters in an attempt to circle obscure, “swing” counties.  But don’t worry about CNN: LDPK has your Election Night covered.

Earlier today, party leader discocowboi took to the streets with LDPK’s own imbedded reporter, cauldronofhate.  In lieu of having to work hard/maintaining any type of journalistic integrity, disco and cauldron honed in on the first person to make eye contact with them as they walked down the street.  This person, who identified himself only as a “republican/democrat generic voter easily placated by hollow platitudes,” let us in on how he was feeling:

“Yay/boo!  My candidate won/lost!  America is finally back on track/America is doomed.  We are returning to greatness in the world/Chinese paratroopers will be here shortly to kill us all and take our women.    We will finally get more jobs and my 401(k) will explode/Tomorrow I will be sitting on a trash heap looking for soda can tabs.”

When informed that he sounded like nothing more than someone who fell asleep listening to MSBNBC and then rolled over and accidentally bumped the remote to Fox News for the rest of the night, “voter” responded: “well, what I am supposed to do… think for myself?  Psssh.”

After the interview concluded, disco and cauldron felt like they had their finger on the pulse of this election.  With no need for further interviews, and with the first episode of Sanford & Son rapidly approaching, they returned to party headquarters to “watch the results come in.”*

So the casual reader may be wondering, “what is the official LDPK position on today’s festivities?”  Our message is simple: GET OFF THE SCRIPT.





*”watch the results come in” is LPDK parlance for eating wings and drinking light beer.