LDPK Scans Wikileaks Release for Indicators of Rising Alcohol Prices

Posted: October 26, 2010 by Lazer Dragon Party Kollective in From the Porch:
Tags: , , , , , ,
The Lazer Dragon Party Kollective has formed a special commission on Lager Consumption and Experiential Freedom ( LCEF) in response to the documents recently released by Wikileaks.
Over the weekend, over 400,000 pages of classified material on American activity in Iraq were released by the rogue transparency watchdog.
Magnus, a member of Lazer Dragon Party Kollective Leadership, commented on the new commission-

“ We don’t want to make unwarranted claims, but these documents released by Wikileaks could potentially signal the devastation of our entire economy. You deserve to know why that is. Anonymous sources have led us to believe that the War on Terror could significantly impact alcohol prices in the United States. There. We said it.

As of today, we still don’t know why  and we don’t know how.

Obviously, if this fear were realized our government institutions would collapse completely, shortly followed by every college, and manufacturing facility in the country. Our own LDPK analysts have pointed out that all the former students, politicos and unemployed government bureaucrats who made it through class and work ( respectively) by being drunk, would not even have the option of turning to manual labor. Who would do a hard day’s work without the sweet promise of a cold and affordable lager at day’s end? Think about it. We’re talking about a Mad Max-style reality.

If this scenario were carried out, it could go so far as to impact our Halloween party this Friday. It’s safe to assume our government doesn’t want such an atrocity on their conscience.This is a true threat to national security, and our new LCEF Commission will be going through every page of the Wikileaks papers to make sure our friends and neighbors are made aware of the danger.

We are in the process of training two commission members – Three Billz and Discocowboi – to use the highly-technical  ‘Command-F’ search function to scour every one of the pages for the phrase “ Booze Is Getting More Expensive.” Hopefully they won’t turn anything up.”

As this commission completes their task, the LDPK will be bringing the notable results into the public eye. Stay Tuned.

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Comments
  1. Leave no stones unturned!

  2. Sucks says:

    There’s no doubt that people would be more upset about having to pay more for booze than they would be about the government lying to them about the deaths of innocent civilians

  3. Magnus of Longshanks says:

    Sucks,

    Methinks that could be the point.

    Magnus.

  4. discocowboi says:

    Recently overheard at an LCEF training session:

    Three Billz: Why does this Wikileaks document have Lady Gaga pictures all over it?
    Discocowboi: You hit ‘command+f’ to search, Three Billz, not ‘command+v’… [sigh]

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