Archive for October, 2010

Cauldron of Hate reports on a political phenomenon that he swears “really is” sweeping the nation.

-LDPK

LEXINGTON, KY– At a Rand Paul rally in Lexington, KY, a “liberal activist” was forced to the ground and pinned there by the foot of a, we’ll call him, ‘zealous’ supporter of Rand Paul. The heated exchange between the two opposing activists ended in violence. This disturbing trend is gaining steam among the less intelligent supporters of candidates. Festooned in political stickers and, ironically, ‘Don’t Tread on Me’ pins, the activists look to “curb stomp their candidate into office”.

“Town hall meetings, debates, and political rallies are powderkegs of emotion and potential powerbombs. Fighting is the only way a society can protect its beliefs and strangle, uh I mean, silence dissidents.” , drawled one hulking, drooling man-oaf.

Witnesses distinctly heard this man at the scene seething, shouting, “More, more! Leg drop, leg drop!” He began throwing money, chairs, and trash cans. “Use em! Use em!”, he continued. I was able to pull him aside to speak to him. My “source” into the brawl, this man-oaf, labored on; beginning with the “dawn of man” he shoddily recapped the history of man’s desire to fight instead of reasonably discussing differences. “Man has always fought. Building a martial-political society around it only seems natural. Hell, this is my 4th beatdown this week. “ His clearly rehearsed essay on the history of fighting seemed to pique the interest of those around him. It appears as if this isn’t stopping any time soon. (more…)

The Lazer Dragon Party Kollective has formed a special commission on Lager Consumption and Experiential Freedom ( LCEF) in response to the documents recently released by Wikileaks.
Over the weekend, over 400,000 pages of classified material on American activity in Iraq were released by the rogue transparency watchdog.
Magnus, a member of Lazer Dragon Party Kollective Leadership, commented on the new commission-

“ We don’t want to make unwarranted claims, but these documents released by Wikileaks could potentially signal the devastation of our entire economy. You deserve to know why that is. Anonymous sources have led us to believe that the War on Terror could significantly impact alcohol prices in the United States. There. We said it.

As of today, we still don’t know why  and we don’t know how.

Obviously, if this fear were realized our government institutions would collapse completely, shortly followed by every college, and manufacturing facility in the country. Our own LDPK analysts have pointed out that all the former students, politicos and unemployed government bureaucrats who made it through class and work ( respectively) by being drunk, would not even have the option of turning to manual labor. Who would do a hard day’s work without the sweet promise of a cold and affordable lager at day’s end? Think about it. We’re talking about a Mad Max-style reality.

If this scenario were carried out, it could go so far as to impact our Halloween party this Friday. It’s safe to assume our government doesn’t want such an atrocity on their conscience.This is a true threat to national security, and our new LCEF Commission will be going through every page of the Wikileaks papers to make sure our friends and neighbors are made aware of the danger.

We are in the process of training two commission members – Three Billz and Discocowboi – to use the highly-technical  ‘Command-F’ search function to scour every one of the pages for the phrase “ Booze Is Getting More Expensive.” Hopefully they won’t turn anything up.”

As this commission completes their task, the LDPK will be bringing the notable results into the public eye. Stay Tuned.

LDPK Dance Beat Pick of the Week

Posted: October 20, 2010 by discocowboi in LDPK Movie/Music Picks

“Like a G6” by Far East Movement.

LPDK love of dance is no secret.  The 808 drum is the pulse of our party… so quit standing around the punch bowl and get on the floor.

We love karate, we love Colonel Sanders, and we love people who don’t take farcical political debates seriously.

Someone else who apparently loves all these things is Jimmy McMillan, the gubernatorial candidate put forward by the Rent is 2 Damn High Party. A karate expert, Vietnam veteran and mustache pioneer, Jimmy got pissed off at the rent being too damn high, and decided to run for Governor of New York.

First off, a big thank you to Jimmy for naming the party something that makes sense. If you decide to waste some time on election day, you should be able to get the major belief of the candidate just by reading the name of their political affiliation. If a candidate thinks ” Government is 2 Damn Small,” then put that on the ballot instead of “Democrat.”

Here is a video of Jimmy dropping some wisdom bombs in a television debate –

Jimmy is on a mission to make sure rent is lowered and the poor are fed. The LDPK can get down with that.

This is about the point where people start whining about the pillars of society crumbling under the weight of undeserving poor wallowing in government redistribution. Snooze.

Your tax obligation won’t go down by sitting around resenting that some people whose lives suck get a government check to -ostensibly – put food on the table.  Ironically, the crowd who most worries about  “government redistribution” also eagerly supports the open bankrupting of the nation through war. A poor person in New York isn’t hurting you. The government putting you in debt to China to fund a war on “terror” is.

It’s a stretch to suggest that Jimmy might get the coveted LDPK endorsement for his run. We would have to see an extensive demonstration of his karate skills before that kind of decision could be made. We would however, eagerly welcome Jimmy at our upcoming Halloween Party.

We’ll say it with you, Jimmy. ” The Rent is 2 Damn High!”

Come on people…

Posted: October 18, 2010 by Magnus of Longshanks in From the Porch:
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It’s good to know our government is focused on true justice and equity.

Last week, headlines were ablaze with news of T.I. ( the rapper? come on!) talking a man out of jumping off a building. Everywhere you turned people were excited – and probably surprised – to read about a celebrity using their fame to actually help someone out. Whatever you think about rap ( talking to you, ginger), that’s pretty legit.

Uh oh! It seems acting in a genuinely humanitarian way isn’t enough to compensate for the evils of familiarity with Mary Jane. Against all odds, police just happened to come across TI’s ride and smell “smoke.” Come on, people. Of course he’s lighting up in his garishly-rimmed vehicle. We’ve all seen the music videos. Aren’t there some actual safety issues in the community to be dealt with? Again, come on people!

Why not just include mandatory testing for weed along with mandatory census forms? That way, the government could make a clean sweep of locking up the worst element of society all at once: weed smokers. Sure, massive swaths of the workforce – and Hollywood – would be joining TI for the next year or so, but at least young people would learn that the dangers of prison are nothing compared to what marijuana could make you do!

Oh well.

This ad represents the real issue. Michael Phelps the greatest swimmer in the effing world is a known pot smoker. What the hell is wrong with the people who make these ads? Do they realize this is propaganda?

Marijuana prohibition is based on racism and limiting of a free market economy. Don’t believe me read these quotes that were a big part of Henry Anslinger’s anti marijuana push of the 40’s.

“There are 100,000 total marijuana smokers in the US, and most are Negroes, Hispanics, Filipinos, and entertainers. Their Satanic music, jazz, and swing, result from marijuana use. This marijuana causes white women to seek sexual relations with Negroes, entertainers, and any others.”

“…the primary reason to outlaw marijuana is its effect on the degenerate races.”

“Marijuana is an addictive drug which produces in its users insanity, criminality, and death.”

“Reefer makes darkies think they’re as good as white men.”

“Marihuana leads to pacifism and communist brainwashing”

“You smoke a joint and you’re likely to kill your brother.”

“Marijuana is the most violence-causing drug in the history of mankind.”

After reading those you can see the history of marijuana, it is not based in scientific fact but on sensationalist media and racism.

Read this article for a broad and interesting history of Marijuana prohibition, Why is Marijuana Illegal? .

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Most ideologues are ugly. Nothing against them, but it’s the truth. Just look at what poor Karl Marx was working with.

Anyway, it’s really a shame, because ugly thinkers and ideologues are starting to completely ruin America’s most influential show business: politics.

Work with me.

If you haven’t realized that we consider our modern political system to be anything more than an incredibly expensive stage-play, then well…we consider our modern political system to be nothing more than an incredibly expensive stage-play.

In all other fictions that we participate in, we expect a certain aesthetic benchmark to be met. Who wants to watch anything on TV that features regular people as unattractive as you are ( do you hear me Public Television?).  It doesn’t happen. You want to see caricatures of yourself; handsome, successful caricatures.

Why aren’t we demanding the same thing from the politicans we ( you) elect to tell us stories about the way things really are? It’s a double standard. A double standard the LDPK is about to start opposing.

The Lazer Dragon Party Kollective is suggesting that the nation adopt a little system we came up with called the Political Avatar System. (more…)

Fighting for Freedom?

Posted: October 12, 2010 by Lazer Dragon Party Kollective in Wisdom Bombs
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Every life matters.

Americans need to consider the gruesome price tag for fighting wars abroad to “protect freedom.” Think about this graph the next time you are tempted to suggest that our national foreign policy is some kind of necessary evil. Only one part of that statement would be true.

The graph above was taken from the website ” All that is Interesting.” You can see the original post here.

He swears these are real contacts-

LDPK

A COT SOMEWHERE IN OREGON– As I reported last week, all across America people are pushing for change. This time, it is from the previously unheard of demographic of paranoid, feminist war veterans. What I could deduce from the “press release” written on a piece of aluminum foil, these women submit that the government is asexual. Therefore, the “hook-nosed, iron-fisted personification of the government” should no longer be called “The Man”, but instead “The Person”.

I tracked down the group’s leader fashioning a crude dwelling from boxes and rags. “We’ve been railing against the government for years now.” Shouted Barbara “Backwoods” Thomas.  “The Man has been in charge for long enough. The Person is here to stay.” They appear to offer no actual social change though; favoring painting their vans with virulent, misspelled demands.

Upon returning from the Vietnam War, they had to accept a world in which ‘The MAN’ denied them their benefits,’ The MAN’ stole their thoughts, and ‘The MAN’ tried to irradiate the water supply in some convoluted scheme to censor Tim Robbins. “We had to adapt to the new lives given to us. Gloria over there works on keeping the mind-rays from crossing the jambs of our houses. Theresa seems to have found a way to synthesize bandanas from household chemicals. We all have roles.”

This rag-tag coterie of feminists survive by banding together to fight our “shape-shifting reptilian humanoid president.” All they would like is some respect from their male paranoid, survivalist counterparts. “Backwoods” Thomas states, “We’ve heard for years about how The Man keeps us down and tries to steal our organs. We don’t disagree. We just want the claw-fingered, hunched-back, shyster-government metaphor playing field leveled.”

Imagine life without beer.. Sufficiently pissed? Oh yeah, not yet? Well imagine a life without Coffee. Now? I thought so.

Governments and religions waging wars on drugs goes way back.

Let’s begin by talking about the nature of a war on naturally growing things in a free economy. Arguably the growing of coffee is not inherently harmful to anybody, neither is opium, cannabis, etc.

In America it has become harmful, not because the actual growth, harvest, or sale needs to be dangerous, but because the American government has chosen that growing certain things is illegal, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

Coffee was once banned in various countries around the globe because it was considered the “infidel’s drink”. So because it was associated with Islam it gained a bad reputation, and was labeled as an “intoxicant.”

Personally I know plenty of people that require coffee just to get out of the starting blocks in the morning. This seemingly innocent bean that makes an arguably delicious drink was once vilified for being associated with a certain group of people. Some of the prohibition on plants has been based on circumstantial evidence and no real safety threat to the populace.

But that was the middle ages right. We’re in a different age. Today the government only makes really bad and destructive things illegal right?

We began drug prohibition in America on a legal level with opiates (of course I think it began when they started taxing whiskey) in the early 1900’s. Many believe this was tied to racism because the bans were on the smoking of opium (generally done in Chinese opium parlors) because the ban was only on inhalation, and therefore the predominantly white doctors who sold opium in various medicinal forms would not be hurt by the ban. Next was the Harrison Act, which was set up to keep a paper trail of all opium and cocaine sold from pharmacies. Now it became a privacy issue, and it was all because people felt drug use was making men and women “immoral.”

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