Portrait of an Embedded Journalist as a Lazer Dragon

Posted: September 29, 2010 by cauldronofhate in "You're Serious...Right?"
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Unidentified Imbedded Journalist

The following article was written by a journalist embedded in the LDPK party structure. Obviously the story below is his perspective, and his interpretation of events that may or may not have taken place. Look for more of his coverage in the days to come. What he draws on his napkins is his business.

-LDPK

The South, Undisclosed City- Finding myself without an article to write for this Sunday’s paper, I begrudgingly sorted through the numerous press releases on my desk. On top of the pile, written on a cocktail napkin, was a release for a lethargic yet “unstoppable” political party, the ‘Lazer Dragon Party Kollective’. The “document” states:

“Just as legitimate. Half as embarrassing.”

We are a freedom-focused, loosely-structured political party that was founded in 2009 by a group of thinkers who found themselves disillusioned with the political structures they felt they were being forced into. We like each other, we like peace, we like partying, we like truth. Dragons are awesome; lazers are awesome.  Neither one of them gets less awesome by being put with the other, so we felt we might as well name our party after something we found personally impressive…”

**Editor’s Note** The remainder of the note is unintelligibly scrawled across BBQ sauce stains and grease. Undoubtedly this LPDK official meeting was held at either some buffet-style restaurant or a trough.

I arrived in time for an official meeting. Very little politics were discussed. In fact, 80’s pop rock seemed to be the subject of the night. I quickly took out my pad and pen, and was quickly derided by a senior member for “killing his buzz with my fancy book.” The afternoon progressed in typical college-dorm fashion. Arguments flared and died as soon as they started. Heated debates were replaced by even hotter dance sessions. Exhausting all Grooveshark had to offer, they picked up the party and moved inside. The event was an assault on the senses. The smell of sweaty, swarthy bodies akimbo, a raucous symphony of cans thrown into nearby “trash holes” (essentially, the beds of party members’ trucks), the feeling that I could just as soon be mugged as hugged; it was an orgiastic feast for the senses.

Glimpses of structure and organization peeked through at times. I had the requisite beer to make them feel at ease about my presence. The party hit stride around 11 pm. That ethereal zone where one is not quite drunk, but far from sober. Either exhausted from dancing or content with what all it had to offer, they began to settle down. They let me into their world. Discussions flowed from politics, to religion, to history. I arrived thinking I would leave beaten and broken from drunken hazing. Instead, I was thrashed by truth and aroused by cynicism; I was thinking for the first time in my life. Inspired by the muse of booze, these gentlemen spoke of the disillusionment of politics and its associated, unavoidable apathy. LDPK’s intentions are clear and uncompromising: party until politics makes sense, then party some more. They trade smarmy campaigns for dance parties, Sophistry for cogency.

Leaving, I looked back upon a wasteland of beer cans, overturned tables, and collapsed bodies. Serious work had been done that night, legitimate work. My physical and political senses were dulled. I was as an infant: hungover, party-less, and yearning for freedom. Cigarette butts clogged the treads of my shoes. My notepad, now filled with drawings of penises and dragons, wet with bourbon. A new party haphazardly assembled, yet undeniably elegant: Lazer Dragon Party Kollective.

That meeting was over, but the party has only just begun…

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